You are broken. So many complex issues going on in your mind, even a shrink would give up on you. I’ve known this since I met you. You have problems trusting people, or letting people get close to you, and I get that. I know you’re fucked up, because I’ve been experiencing it first hand for the last 2+ years. I just need you to stop fucking around and be honest with me, or better yet yourself. Either you want something with me or you don’t. I can’t take this back and forth anymore. You think you’re so fucked up? I’m fucking myself up more and more every day thinking about you, wanting nothing more than to be miserable with you, because that’s what we always have been. You drive me insane even when you’re being nice to me. But to be fair, you’re not the only one with issues. Obviously there’s something wrong with me too. I’m hard wired to keep caring, keep trying to get a guy who shows me nothing but rude brush offs and oozes of pretentious bullshit. I see right through who you try to portray yourself to be. You’re not as strong as you try to be, and you’re not as brave as you try to be. You’re weak & fragile & guess what? Human. Well, so am I. I’m human. That’s why it hurts when you let me down over & over again. It’s also why I let you back in over & over; because I’m human & I’m prone to making ridiculous mistakes repeatedly regardless of how many times I told myself ‘never again’. You feed me this story of how you are afraid of losing me as a friend but then you let me down once again. Our friendship was over the night you kissed me on the slide and took my hand as we walked around your neighborhood. I don’t want you to be my boyfriend. I just want to hold you, kiss you. You are only honest with me when you’re drunk. That’s when you’re thoughts are clear, your sober thoughts are what caused you to lose me a month ago. I’m still hopelessly flawed. I’d still give you a chance, knowing full well you’d let me down. But at least I’m honest with myself about it.